Depths of fulfillment and loss...

Another year. Some more thoughts. The holidays were a welcome break. But, now the daily pangs at work are back. The last few weeks have witnessed a medley of emotions. Explored new cities. Visited new food joints. On the other hand, the atmosphere at workplace has become more "blocked". No desire to dwell on that for now. Moving on. Have been catching up on my reading over the last few days. A question has engrossed me over the last few hours. Kiran Desai asks very plainly in her "The Inheritance of Loss". Initially, I simply read the line. And proceed to the next page. Two pages later. I come back to this. Dont know why. And ever since, the question has captured my attention. Could fulfillment ever be felt as deeply as loss??

The two things seem so very different. And yet, they are being spoken of in the same breath. Why? Perhaps both are events that evoke strange feelings. Lets take fulfillment. One waits for something for a long time. Sighs of anxiety eventually give way to sighs of relief. One is happy. But then it is over. There is nothing more to wait for. Suddenly, emptiness pervades everything around you. Now, consider the other part. Loss. It happens in a flash. And then something is gone forever. Words seem so futile. And one does not know what to do. Or whom to turn to. But, then slowly one learns to cope with the situation. Over time, the hurt slowly vanishes. Marks may remain. Nevertheless, once in a while, one is reminded of that loss. As for the question itself. The depths of both are pretty similar. And it is quite possible that both achieve the same effect. To borrow the lines of a Hindi film song, "my dil goes hmmm". In both cases, it really does. Its just that the underlying tenor may be slightly different. Actually, an interesting aspect to consider is this. Fulfillment for one is loss for someone else. Be it the race for success, or wealth or even love. Some have their wish fulfilled. Some just accept disappointment and move on. I guess thats life...

As I finish up with this piece today, I am left with this thought. Finding fulfillment at the expense of loss. Would it ever be so that a loss actually leads to fulfillment? A heartbroken person will surely be able to answer this...