Blemish you think but tears are these....

So hurt am I that your glory is lost
Never wanted this to happen to you
Blemish on this beautiful cherubic face
And I wish this misfortune go away
Elegance and dignity return to you
Yet there is nothing more I can do
Everything he heard that I had to say
Then replied the charming silver moon
With the radiance of calm in a storm
She lies in darkness so I may shine
With a twinkle in her dreamy eyes
No words can describe my feelings
Blemish you think but tears are these
Flowing with the force of my true love

Their tale of love....

Unspoken feelings they shared all their life
Every evening she waited with an intent gaze
His presence on the horizon stirred her nerve
And she would sway to his charm and grace
Falling from the sky she settles down earthily
Golden little girl of that timeless old maple
Never once he expressed his deepest emotion
He swirls now to touch her blissful serene face
And she moves gently to kiss him one last time
So the wind says goodbye to his sweetheart
Standing still he watches her atlast in peace
Death stands witness to their eternal bond
In this quiet depth of winter's beautiful love
Lies hidden the leaf of passion and grief

Behold the flames of love...

Behold the flames of love that cause the heart to burn
Rising high to bid adieu to the forgotten years
Like the restless toddler making many a turn
Warming every intense gaze fixed on this circle of charm

Behold the flames of love that spread far and wide
Casting the soul in a mystique trance of passion
Whose sparks of divine energy and resolve unable to hide
Like the pilgrim's radiance at the start of the journey

Behold the flames of love engulfing every glimpse of gloom
Like the morning rays hide every inch of darkness
Whose fiery unyielding spirit promises a rebellious bloom
Of hope and happiness after a sorrowful day

Behold the flames of love basking in the inner glow
Am bereft of words to describe the emotion
Whose tip is forcefully fast but trail is surprising slow
Breathing the most mysterious cosmic sound in this silence

Behold the flames of love swaying to a melodious song
Never heard until this moment's twilight
Making each tearful hour seem only a minute long
Whose searing heat will cool today even a broken heart's fury

Behold the flames of love conjuring up a delightful face
More brilliant and beautiful then ever before
Whose warmth permeates elegance and grace
Even shadows stand still to honor this majestic reflection

Behold the flames of love though kindled by utmost grief
Coming of the piercing separation from a beloved
Yet whose golden purity continues to forge a sincere belief
That the hour of separation shall not be long

Now I know my dream....

Outside the library. I am sitting under a tree. It is a beautiful day. The sky is clear. Not a trace of cloud. The birds are flying. There is a squirrel on the thickest branch. My eyes watch it closely. And then as if on a cue, it jumps down onto the lush green grass. And hops around gleefully. The bushy tail waves. And the squirrel looks away from me. The squirrel has spotted something. And its subconscious tells it that something lies beyond. It see a nut. It picks it up. Both hands around it tightly. A sudden twitch and it jumps. And it is back onto the tree. I trace it all the way to the tree. And then, I look again towards the same place from where the squirrel gathered the nut. I do not believe it. I roll my eyes. No. It cannot be. It is only an illusion. No. It cannot be. But. I look around. I see cars go by. An elderly couple slowly walk by. A middle aged woman pleasantly continues to jog. And yet, none of them seem to notice. This strange sight. This strangest of sights that my eyes behold. There they are....

Three of them standing right in front of me. All of them smiling at me. All three women wearing white gossamer. The sun rays splitting wide behind them. It seemed as if they were the source of that dazzling light themselves. I keep asking myself. Is this real? Are they really there? And as if she is fully aware of the intense anxiety inside me, the lady in the center beckons me. She looks at the others. And then at me. She raises her hand. As if asking me to come with them. And that she wants to tell me something. More like show me something. I sense it too. I ask her if this is real. She says nothing. She simply smiles. The others smile as well. I get up. I do not bother to shake up the leaves clinging to my back. I am mesmerized. I walk upto them. I go upto them. They are more beautiful than I have ever seen anyone. Their is a certain inexplicable radiance on their brow. They emanate a glow of happiness and serenity. I can feel it in me. The lady in the middle stretches out her hand to me. I give out mine. And our fingers touch. Her fingers are slender. And her skin is tender. I hold her hand. The lady looks to the lady on her right. And then to the one on the left. And then back to me. And then everything turns misty. And then there is darkness. I feel my insides chill. I hold onto the hand tightly. I do not know what is going on. I close my eyes. I am scared. And then there is light.....

I open my eyes. I am on a hill. I see the three ladies in front of me. The look on their face is still the same. One of calm and assurance. I on the other hand am in a state of stunned silence. I do not know where I am. I do not know who are these people in front of me. I do not know how far I am from home. And I do not know how I have come here. Yet, the curious mind tells me to stay on. There is something here that I need to know. I have to know. I look around. There is emptiness. And I move to the edge of the hill. I can clearly see the vastness ahead of me. There is the sea below. And yet its vastness means nothing. Its depth does not scare me now. The wind is blowing gently. The blue waters glisten beautifully due to the splash of the orange rays of the sun. Underneath, the corals wave as if swaying to some cosmic tune. I stand on there at the edge. The wind comes and kisses my face. And it moves behind my ears. Asking me to listen. Listen to the wind. Listen to the waves. Listen to the rays. My heart is calm now. The incoming waves of the sea, the gentleness of the breeze and the resplendance of the sun rays have now become one with me. And I am calm. I turn around. I now look at the three of them with more confidence and strength....

I ask. Who are you? What are your names? Where am I? And why did you come to me? They seem to not hear me. There is an awkward pause. The air between us is pregnant with silence. I know. And then. The lady on the left speaks. "We are three sisters. We live here on the hill. We were sent to see you. And we are happy that you agreed to come with us." I turn to the lady on the right. She spoke. "We visit everyone. Not early. Not late. At the precise moment." I turned to the lady in the middle. The one whose hand I held onto on the way. She sighed. And then she spoke. "Each one of us will ask you a question. You must answer our questions. And if we are pleased with your answers, then you may ask us any one question. We know the answers to all questions. We know the past, the present and the future. Anything that you wish you may ask. Do you accept?" I am mildly surprised. But I agree. Who are these three women? And what would be their questions?

So, the lady on the left steps forward. "One drop of it drives away darkness. What is it? Answer me." I look down. I turn. I close my eyes. And memories swim through my eyes. My childhood. My family. My friends. Everything that has happened to me so far. I see myself with my family. I see myself among my friends. I cherish all those moments. I ask myself why? I know. Because I am happy. Yes. Because I am happy. I open my eyes. I speak. "One drop of joy drives away all the darkness in the world." The lady smiles. I think she likes my answer. She does not say anything. The lady on the right steps forward. "It is all around you. And yet you struggle to find it. What is it? Answer me." I am perplexed. What can it be? What is it that is all around me. And yet I struggle to find it. Something that I do not understand. Something whose presence I can feel and yet I cannot see. Various thoughts race through my mind. What does the human spirit strive for? Why does it struggle? And what happens to it when it fails? Does it stop? Does it give up? Does it yield to all the obstacles in its way? No. The human spirit does not yield. An unconquered will. A fierce determination. A relentless effort even in the midst of gloom and despair. Why? What drives it in the face of insurmountable opposition? I look at the lady who asked me the question. And I reply. "Hope. She is all around me. She is always there. And yet, I struggle to find her. But my struggle ends when I find her." I knew that I was right. My heart was beating fast now. One more question. What could it be? And my gaze moves towards the lady in the center. She towers over the others. And she speaks in a charming way. "Presence causes pain. Absence causes pain. And yet on its own relieves pain. What is it? Answer this decisively." I am struck. I do not know. How can anything cause pain in both its presence and absence. And more astonishingly, how can the thing that causes pain relieve it as well? I have no clue. I look at the three of them. I look down. I look at the horizon. The stars have started twinkling now. The waters of the sea are now beaming with a thousand little eyes. I look at my hands. I look at my feet. Looking for the answer. I look at myself. What has life taught me so far? What is it that I have? What is it that makes me happy? What is it that makes me hopeful? What is it that makes me wait for the rest of my life? What is it that stirs me? What is it that pains me? Those memories. Filled with tears and sadness. Poignant. Stirring. And yet, those memories bring a bloom of hope and joy in my heart. I wipe the tears in my eyes. I speak. "Love. It is the one thing that when present causes pain. It is one thing that when absent causes pain. And it is the only thing that can relieve the pain that it causes." The three ladies smile. And I know that they are pleased. The lady in the center speaks. "Ask your question. And you shall have the answer." I already knew in my heart what I wanted to ask. I ask. "Every night I have a dream. The same dream. Tell me what does it mean?" The lady in the center came forward. And whispered into my ears. And I knew it. I had my answer. I understood my dream atlast. I look around. And the three women have disappeared....

Outside the library. I am sitting under a tree. The squirrel is playing gleefully. I get up. And start walking towards my house. I dont know who they were. But atleast now I know my dream...

Chronicles of the red shirt in the wardrobe...

Another Sunday evening. Another lacklustre day. Finally, I decide to tidy up my place. Takes me a couple of hours. Books on the coffee table. Clothes in the wardrobe. Bedding neatly folded and put aside. I am done. I sit down to pen my thoughts. I dont know what to write. I look around. Nothing interesting. Feeling a little sleepy. I close my eyes. Various thoughts swing in and out.
Scenes move in and out. A documentary of sorts. Amazing. I am right in it. All the action is happening around me. And I am seeing it from the outside as well. As if I am watching some black and white movie of yesteryears. There. I freeze the frame. This scene. The one right in front of my eyes. Many years back. I open my eyes. And the scenes still flash upon me...

I am walking with three others to the college. The rest are talking. My thoughts lie elsewhere. We pass Gurukripa. And I already see lots of students waiting outside. Alyosha would tell me that he makes it a point to have one plate of samosa-choley everyday. The samosa. The choley. The onions and the chutney. Not now I say. I move on. Today is a very important day. It is the "tie and saree day" in the college. A day that means a lot to some. The boys are to come in formal attire. Tie being the speciality. And girls would come in the "saree" (the most widely used attire by Indian women). Whether it is the saree that increases the splendor and beauty of an Indian woman or vice versa is certainly debatable. I am a bit nervous. I am wearing a red shirt with full sleeves. And a tie that I borrowed from my neighbor. My mother kept telling me that it was a "matching tie". Impressive I said to myself. I had been hearing a lot of people in my class discuss this day weeks in advance. It was a grand day they felt. They had been discussing their attire, their arrival time, places around the college where they would take pictures of themselves with "interesting" people and ofcourse where they would go to eat later in the day. Nothing short of a carnival. The digital camera was a new found luxury among middle class folks in Mumbai at that point. There was this one guy (NRI for this blog) who had one. Several of my classmates had spent a considerable time trying to convince him how important it would be to bring this gizmo. And finally after a lot of coaxing, NRI agreed to get it. Thats that. And so now I am about to move inside this quadrangular arena. Straight out of the Gladiator movie. The only difference being there are no wild beasts and warriors of great skill in here. Only a bunch of students ready to make the most of the day...

So I enter the building. All around me I see girls in fascinating sarees. Not to mention the jewellery that many of them have decided to sport today. I am certain most of them have spent several hours in the beauty parlors. And spent hundreds of rupees so that they can put forward their best "outward" appearance today. Harry comes by and tell me that all lectures have been suspended. It was pretty obvious to me that none of these girls were interested in classes today. And I guessed that the professors had already felt the same. Harry is his usual self. Chatty. And trying to engage in a conversation with every "nicely dressed" girl. I see NRI come by. He shows me his digital camera. And he keeps showing me the cool features. I am really not interested. I tell him that he better take photos instead of describing the camera. I admit to myself. I am curious to see all the faces in my class today. Especially away from their regular college attire. And I see Silver come by. He only shakes hands with folks who come from a "IIT parentage". Everyone else is scum according to him. He is smart but arrogant. I move on. I see a group of people sitting in the middle of the class. Mostly referred to as "Super 6ers". Well, I am not a great fan of theirs. But nevermind. I go and say a hello. NRI comes around and shows me some of the snaps he has already taken. Almost all of them of girls with heavy makeup and embroidered sarees. And he sees me sulking. So he takes a couple of my pictures. I say thank you. I guess he thinks this will cheer me up. Harry comes by and asks that his picture be taken in such a way that lots of girls form the background. I cannot hide my laughter. NRI obliges. The Super 6ers are doing their regular stuff. Singing some Tamil songs. Totally incomprehensible to me. I accept it as a harsh reality. I say to myself. You are studying in a South Indian college full of South Indians. What else do you expect? Move on. Well they are singing. Banging the desks. This guy Priam is at the centre with another girl Softy. Both are singing so loudly that some of the Marathi folks from Dombivali decide to go out. Had it been lavani I am sure they would have stayed back. Arab, Carrot and Collar decide to leave the class. And then I see Carnatic come by. He is a buddy. Talks too much. Alyosha dont like him. I dont mind. He and some other discuss the latest in EPL. I have convinced myself that this is nothing but a sense of superficiality introduced to appear hiphop. "Oh, see I am cool. I prefer soccer over cricket" kind of thing since cricket seems more hackneyed to them. I dont pay attention. This group had Carnatic, Rag and King. The Super 6ers had grown more vociferous after they were joined by CasanovaSwami and Chembur's Govinda. CasanovaSwami is moving in and out. Singing. And then flirting with some girls. Suddenly, I see three familiar guys come by. They are not at ease too right now. This setting seems alien. They come and join our "nerdy" lot. GodFood and Comet are here. And they are joined by Raol. Comet is at it again. Takes out his book and tells me that Prof. NoSorrow has asked him to solve some 290 probability problems. Alyosha thinks this guy is a "once in a lifetime madcap". NRI suddenly joins him in solving some. After that I see that the class has agreed to take group photographs. I join them. Lots and lots of photographs. We all go down in the quadrangular and take more group photographs. Harry and CasanovaSwami are enjoying. I confess. I will cherish one photograph forever. We all come back to the class. I ask NRI to take one photograph of some of the girls sitting in the corner. A motley group. I smile. One importance of this day is that folks get to give roses to whoever they like. Rest assured, I have not got any nor have I given anyone today. Not because I do not want to. But because today of all days, I feel the rose does not have the ability to carry the emotion and message intended by the giver. Dont know why. Its late afternoon. I and NRI move to Gurukripa. Everyone has moved on. All had made plans for some sort of a party and hangout. I have no plans. NRI keeps showing me the photos. I ask him to mail some of them to me. And there I see my good friend Alyosha having his samosa choley with some others. I go and say a hi. We recount some of the day's happenings since both of us are in different classes. He recounts all the "glamorous happenings" of the day. Both of us have a laugh. Comet comes by. And most of us agree that since we have no party or hangout to go to, we better catch the train and go back home. Comet is desperate to complete his 290 task. And so we start walking. We are joined by Carnatic and his buddies as well. Fifteen minutes walk and we reach the station. I catch the Thane local...

Great scenes. I still recollect them vividly. NRI would later mail me the photographs. I dont have them today. I have left out some other details from this. I leave them for some other day. Right now, I cannot stop laughing and reminiscing. Those guys and gals. Their excitement. Their frolic. I dont know where all of them are today. Of some I know. Of others I dont. I dont know what all of them are doing today. What career path they have chosen. But I am here today. I walk across to the wardrobe. Look at that shirt. That very shirt. The red shirt with full sleeves. Other than the memories, it is the only part of that day that still remains with me. I shake my head and put the shirt back in the wardrobe....

They make me laugh...

They make me laugh. I love them since my days as a toddler. They have been part of my life ever since. And I like them for one reason only. They are funny. Alone they are good. Together they are great. Dont know if there exists any other relationship like theirs. Dynamic. Rib tickling. Fascinating. Rarely does a day go by when I dont like to see them. No moment remains dull. No moment remains gloomy when they are around. To say they are my favorite is an understatement. They are more like friends. I remember Mom telling me that when I was a kid, I spent hours in front of the television watching them. Every act was funny. Every act was refreshing. I like both of them. The big guy has his "never say die" attitude. He always keep going. His big ears. His cheeks. And ofcourse his whiskers. His appearance itself brings out a laugh. And when he raises his eyebrows in deep thought, I wonder if he can think beyond the little guy. Indeed, he has a nice girl friend. And his road side friends. And once in a while, he does participate in a nice feline gathering. I like the little guy for his "can take him on" attitude. No matter what the odds. No matter what the obstacles. Whatever the big guy throws at him, he would be upto it, if not better it. He can wriggle his way out of almost every situation. Everytime they trade jabs, I laugh. It is not about their fights. It is all about their quick wit. It is all about their creativity. It is all about their constantness. It is about their camarederie. You must have guessed by now. Yes. I am talking about them. The cat and the mouse....

Tom and Jerry. Isnt it fascinating? They hate each other. Cant stand the sight of each other. Throw everything possible at each other. And with every act, they make me laugh. Make me forget all worries and sorrows for those brief moments. Some find great meaning in their metaphor. The little guy always wins. Their tale has some universality in it. The world is divided into two sections. The winners and losers. The gifted and the less talented. The rich and the poor. The lucky ones and the unlucky ones. And therein the victory of the mouse brings some cheer and hope for the second lot. But I feel there is something else about them that draws me to them. One without the other is not even half of his brilliance. I dont know if it is possible for anyone to think of one and not the other. As diverse as they are, they complement each other. They complete each other. I already owe them for giving me so much cheer. But if I could ask them to give me one more thing, then I would ask for their spirit and freedom. Tom and Jerry forever...

What does a question answer??

It is a nice Sunday morning. I wake up later than usual. The fact that the clocks adjusted for daylight savings didnt make matters any simpler. My mom calls on me. And I have to listen to the usual story. That I havent had a haircut since six months. That I havent been paying attention to tidying things up at my place. That I havent called some distant aunt of mine since I dont remember when. That I look more skinny than the last time she saw me in a fifteen inch screen. Thats that. After a late start, I go out for lunch. Few hours later, I am back. I discuss with Alyosha plans for the holiday season. Both of us seem to cant wait for the holiday season to begin. I sit to write today's piece. And I dont know what to. Has been an uneventful day so far. Thinking what to write. My head turns around scanning the entire room. And then it settles back on to the keyboard. As I am about to type the first character of a piece of which I have no idea, I am distracted by all the signs and symbols on it....

Of all the signs and symbols, the ? I find the most appealing. It asks me a question. What would I do without it? It is not funny. It is not jubilant. But it is revealing. Over the last year or so, I have asked many questions. I think more than I have asked in all the years before them. Not sure why this change. May be the environment has affected me. May be the workplace has affected me. May be my loneliness has affected me. May be something else has affected me. I dont know. Going back to the earlier point. The question that ? asks me. What does a question answer?? Yes. What does a question answer?? No question is right or wrong. Every question may have an answer. May not have any answer. That does not take out the need for the question. Sometimes the question clouds one's thinking. Sometimes the question illuminates the space over the subject. Some like questions. Some do not. Some like the intention of the question itself. Some do not. Some like the timing of the question. Some do not. Some like the reasons behind the question. Some do not. In general, I think that people do not hate the ? per se. It is only their concern about the answer that makes them fret....

So, what does a question answer? It quenches the thirst for curiosity and creativity. It answers the agitated mind. It provides thrust to a cycle of thinking and acting. Hesitation in asking a question weakens the purpose of the question itself. Many things in life have been achieved simply because someone decided to ask a question. Many things in life are yet to be achieved simply because someone has not yet asked the question. I am glad that I am asking questions to myself. These questions enable me to explore hitherto unknown things about myself. Realize and understand things about me and all there is to my life. A ? may not bring finality to an issue on the outside. But it certainly does bring finality to the constant struggle about a thought within....