Highly Suffocating Caravan...

Yes. Some reflections. Those days. When I was in a Highly Suffocating Caravan. Spent two years in that caravan. All sorts of personalities around me. Many smart. Too many over smart. Quite a few treacherous. A small number mysterious. Some anxious. Lots of them idiosyncratic. A lot of them hypocritical. Almost all forgettable. One of them unforgettable. Amidst this motley group, I was trying to find myself. I was completely lost. Why? Weight of pressure. Baggage of emotions from the previous year. Lack of focus. Wrong priorities. Forgetting the art of winning. And most importantly, the loss of confidence. Those two years without question have provided me with more traumatic memories than all the others put together. And frankly, I am yet to get over some of them. Some of the wounds inflicted were deep. And some of them have only started healing now...

What was so wrong about those two years? I was practically in some exile. My closest friends know the mess I was in. A quagmire that was so hidden to me then yet so evident now as I look back. Wrong company. Wrong approach. But it was the most wonderful learning curve. Many lessons that I have learnt are from those melancholy days. And I can say that I have grown from those experiences. Those two years perhaps were the dose I needed for the rest of my life. In fact, it wouldnt be wrong to attribute the attitude of today to the pain of those days. Yes. Those days were painful. I felt let down by some whom I considered close to me. Yes. I felt betrayed by some whom I considered close to me. And my innocent spirit was burnt down to the ground. And out of these ashes rose the phoenix. One well versed in the mistakes of the past. And one who knew that life was a game. And competition was the rule of the game. And the phoenix was prepared to get burnt again. And would not fear the ashes. And see it only as another opportunity to rise again. Have I gotten over those days? I think I have. More so because I know now what exactly I did wrong. Have I gotten over those people? I think I have. Almost all of them. They are where they are. I am here. Do I want to see them? The answer is a resounding no. However, I have to admit that those years did give me one enchanting musical note amidst all the noise. Alyosha once told me that I should not forget that song. As I look forward, I want to remember those two years for two things only. The painful lessons I learnt. And the magical moments of the song....

The caravan was over long time back. But memories remain. It was a highly suffocating caravan. Yes indeed. But I realized that a caravan always rolls on. The wise know when to join the caravan. And the wise know when to leave the caravan. What matters here is what you leave behind for the caravan. And what you learn from the caravan...